My parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary last week. It’s a big effing deal at a time when few people stay married to the first person they picked to tie the knot with them. I took them out for a lovely meal at a local restaurant in suburban Philadelphia. (My mom refused to drive into down for dinner to the place we went for their 35th. The Prime Rib on Locust was my first choice because I’ve been jonesing for a really good steak, but it was a non-starter.) I ordered appetizers and entrees for everyone. I selected a 2007 Conundrum half split which was absolutely wonderful. (Some years of it are not as good as others, but definitely the 2007 reminds me of the first one I had, a 1996 I think. Lightly sweet & deliciously fruity.) I also had a glass of pinot noir and an extra glass of Vouvray for my dad. Mom loved it and she asked if we could go there again for Father’s Day. (Sure, I’ve got another $225 somewhere…)
I love my mom, but sometimes she really takes the cake. This time it was money for a new suit for my dad. Really mom? You just asked me to take you out to dinner again AND a new suit for my dad. Which would you rather have? I’m sure it’s money for the suit. And for that dishwasher I know she still needs. And help going to CA for family weddings this summer.
I love my mom. I really do. I know my folks have shelled out a lot of money to help me out and I don’t resent the asking. What really has my head scratching though is the *chronic* lack of funds. It makes me freak out about how their business is going, what they spend money on for house maintenance, etc. I’ve adjusted my financial life to understand that every year I’m going to give my parents $2-5K for various reason. (My sibling and I understand that we’ve subsidized *every* single trip my parents have taken to California for the last ten years if not longer.)
I know my mom is pretty careful about money because they have weathered many economic storms for the last 40 years together. It’s fruitless to lecture someone about buying stuff when you know she’s been buying a lot less and gets everything on sale. Very little around their house is new stuff I don’t recognize. Mom grows a lot of her own vegetables again and she’s pretty happy even reducing her shopping budget. I’m just waiting for a big boom to lower upon me. I have a sinking feeling there is something else going on that she’s not telling me. I know for instance that there were some major house repairs last year because of a plumbing leak into the kitchen which she already had fixed. I’m now *really* curious what remodeling the house will cost so they can get top dollar in a few years.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Ooooh, I can relate somewhat. My parents bought a house they could not afford during the housing boom and then 2 years later, my mom started asking me to send her and my dad money every month. She said she’d be able to pay it back at some point, but almost three years later, I still send them money every month and I don’t see myself stopping the flow of cash in the foreseeable future. And I think they won’t be able to pay me back ever. They’re still underwater on the house but might be able to stay in it as they’re currently in good standing for a loan modification. I can afford to help them and I want to help because they’re my parents, but sometimes, I just want to tear my hair out. We wouldn’t be in this mess if they hadn’t bought the house in the first place (and their first home would have been paid off by now or in a few years)!
I can also relate, as I’ve been giving portions of my paycheck to my parents since I started working @ 15. I’m almost 31 and now married. I don’t see that ever ending as both are retired with zero savings. I have struggled with it for a while but I finally came to terms with it, and realized that they’re my parents and I can never really pay them back for raising me. I’m just glad that I can afford to help them and relieve some stress for them. Like your parents, they’re pretty frugal too. I know they use the money for basic necessities. I guess all I ask in return is some appreciation, and I’m finally getting it.