I Must Not Be Too Ugly Naturally

Because I don’t spend a lot on makeup and cosmetic treatments and yet still have a boyfriend.

From RevancheGS on Twitter, via Ramit: How much women will spend on a lifetime of beauty care

I had a little rant on Twitter about this the other day (most of which I have re-posted under the cut). I lived with an evil Korean woman growing up. My mom said horrible things to me. Things that hurt me to this day in my thirties. Stuff that still makes me extremely angry. But the flipside is that I get to laugh at her eyebrow-less face now. (See #4 below)

1. @RevancheGS 1) If you need a bikini wax, you are showing too much skin as a teen. 2) lip plumping is for old ppl not 25yo.

2. Let me repeat my mean Asian mother’s comment as I put on makeup for church one morning. “You look like a whore.” Thanks Mom!

3. At 33, the same woman says, ‘Why don’t you wear a little makeup?” *face plant* I buy her $50 creams for birthday and drugstore cream for me.

4. This is same the woman who plucked out all her brows at 20 and had none left at 35. Vanity is a sin or at least ridiculousness.

5. That article does not mention that SUNSCREEN is the most effective cosmetic out there. /me enraged by tanning salons.

6. Oh yeah. I do fully expect to have a face lift at 50 to look 40, but only to make $10K more a yr in salary and maximize earning power.

7. Open-toed shoes are not OSHA compliant when hauling servers. Or at least asking for a toe to be sliced off.

8. @RevancheGS Pedicures are good once or twice a year. But SOCKS make them unnecessary. Of course, I don’t live in a humid hell like FL or TX.

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I don’t know why kids need a lot of hair care or make up before going to college, prom and bridal party stuff excepted. My mom was technically right. At 16, I probably didn’t need blush and mascara for church. Again at 33, my mom was also technically right, I should put on a little foundation and eyeliner to go to the office for a clean, professional look. But I also work with a lot of men and I don’t like to make my femininity too obvious at work.

Highlights. Well I’m damned lucky that I HATE RED highlights on black hair and I’m also not allowed to dye my hair ‘unnatural colors’ for my job. Otherwise, I’d be right there with Special Effects Electric Blue. I admit on blondes, a really good highlight or lowlight job looks fabulous. But I’m scared of a having my hair fall out because I stripped out the color to get a nice blue going. (I CANNOT WAIT to be a blue-haired old lady! That would be the epitome of awesome.)

Tanning salons. Yes, I mean it when I say ‘enraged’. WHY ARE PEOPLE PURPOSELY GIVING THEMSELVES SKIN CANCER? I worked with a woman who over-tanned. Even the men at the office noticed and remarked that she looked like a leather wallet. They said she looked 40 but was probably 30 or 35. I told them she was 27 and they were stunned. I really dislike the idea of having people’s tanning salon-induced melanomas removed at 60 with Medicare when all they really should have done was use some sunscreen at 18.

Acne treatments. Ok if they are including Accutane and other acne treatments into the cosmetic costs for tweens, teens and 20 year olds, I get that. I had horrible acne till my 30’s. I’m considering microdermabrasion to even out my acne scars. However, acne did not prevent me from having dates in high school, college, and two marriage proposals before it naturally cleared up on its own. My old dermatologist was just as good as any aesthetician I’ve seen. Too bad he was so old he died before I finished college. (God bless you Dr. Rosen, wherever you are now. My mom misses you too.)

Bikini waxes. If I was wearing a garment that required me to wax down there, I’d be making a lot more money as an adult entertainer than in software consulting. Why on earth does a tween or teen need a bikini wax? I dated a hirstute guy from Southern California. He got used to waxing his back, but I was really grossed out by the stubble and told him to grow it out and leave it alone.

Waxing your lip and shaping your brow I understand. A little definition is nice for the eyes. But plucking to the point of complete removal a la my mother’s generation and the Marlene Dietrich penciled-in look is actually kind of freakish in real life. Like drawing them on an egg. But it’s not as weird as tattooing them back in like my aunts in Korea have done. They look like strange kabuki masks.

Laser removal I get. My friend had a unibrow done with electrolysis and it’s very convenient. I have a spot or two I could do, but waxing takes care of it when I feel its important.

Lip plumping. I don’t see why a 20-something needs this done. For a woman in her 40’s or 50’s, I can see why this would restore her face to some youthfulness. But at 20 it just seems silly.

Botox, eye lifts. I get this too. If investing $10K at the age of 55 to look 45 gets you another $10-15K a year in salary, then it’s totally worth it. My mom and my boyfriend’s mom both look 10 years younger than they actually are without plastic surgery. But if I don’t look that good at their ages, I will seriously consider having it done.

At any rate, I just felt like ranting and laughing because it is ridiculous the lengths people will go for beauty. Might as well bathe in moose spittle for all the good those creams and stuff will do ya.

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