My apologies. I’ve been fighting a cold for the last few days. Luckily, I’m in training so I can still work through the illness. I love being a knowledge-worker disconnected from the physical state of my being. *cough* I get a lot done.
While I was writing my March net worth outlook post and writing about my friend in need, I realized that since I am single, I can make a lot of financial decisions myself. I realize that’s an obvious statement, but if I were married, there’s no way I could offer up my apartment and a wad of cash on the spot. I’d have to consult my spouse first.
As it was, I did have to consult my boyfriend about moving in for a few days and it caused me a lot of personal stress. He was super busy and there didn’t seem a good way to approach the subject. He doesn’t mind though, but I’m lucky that he’s nice like that. What if he wasn’t ready for me to be a 24/7 presence? In that case, I wouldn’t have been able to offer my friend my apartment. I’d have to tell her to get a hotel for a few days till my pay day and then loan her the money right away. Honestly, as I consider it, that is what I would have done. Sometimes I wish I had a 2 bedroom condo instead of a studio.
What about you marrieds out there? What if one of your friends, who is not known to your spouse, said they needed a place to live for 2 weeks and borrow about a thousand dollars? What would you do? Is this one of those relationship finances conversations that couples have? This might seem like a contrived ‘what if’ scenario, but I’m in my middle 30’s and all those early marriages are either having kids or falling apart now. It’s not as crazy as it sounds. I can think of at least two people I know who suddenly moved out when they knew their relationships were over and the logistics weren’t easy.
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I don’t think I would loan anyone $1000 whether I was married or single (I am married now). Regarding the two week stay, depending on who it was and the situation (are they crashing indefinitely or do they need a place to live between moving out of an old place and moving into a new place with a definite date), I suspect my husband would not have a problem with it.
That said, I generally err on the side of no when it comes to loaning money or letting people live with me.
I am not married but I live with my fiancee in a one bedroom apartment. This summer I had two friends who needed a place to crash for a month. (due to various reasons they couldn’t find an affordable apartment.) My SO knew them but wasn’t really close to them. We talked it over and decided that they could stay with us if they needed to, and they did. This involved sleeping on the floor and trying to rearrange furniture to make even a semi-private area, but they didn’t mind because they were desperate. So – yes, I would help a friend this way. I’d be more hesitant without a clear end date.
And I would be much more hesitant to loan a friend money, especially as high as $1000. I probably wouldn’t even loan family that money unless the circumstances were really extreme.
One of my husband’s friends is possibly heading for divorce. We’ve kind of talked about him being over a lot if it does happen, and possibly staying with us for a while, and I’m fine with that.
However, I don’t think I’d lend a friend money.
I don’t even have the money to lend and I’m not sure what I’d do if I did have it. But I’m sure we’d let a good friend of either of us stay on the couch for a while if they needed it.
There’d have to be some sort of time-related agreement so that it didn’t turn into something that never ended.
I would certainly ask my wife’s opinion, even though she long ago gave me complete control over the finances (though she is fully informed, more informed than she’d like to be actually). I have no doubt that she would trust my judgment on the matter (i.e. I wouldn’t necessarily say yes, but if I did, she’d back me). I’d be much happier loaning money than inviting a friend over for two weeks. (I can always make more money. Privacy is priceless.) Only a few people have asked me to loan them money of that order of magnitude since I’ve been married – my wife’s brother, my wife’s father, and my own mother. In the latter two cases, they were short-term loans and quickly paid back. In the first case, I wrote the money off (about $1500) as a gift on my own personal ledger though it was framed as a loan and, in theory, he still has to pay me back. I’m not expecting to see the money back any time in the next ten years, if ever.
This is generally my policy. I only loan money that I’m perfectly prepared and willing to lose. I never loan money that I’m counting on being paid back (or even hoping it will be paid back). This way I remain on good terms with my brother-in-law (though I do refuse to loan him any more money, especially since he has developed a gambling problem). Neither of us ever bring up the loan so things aren’t awkward when the family gets together.
Contrary to what most people think, though, it’s actually far superior to have a second person involved with your finances, provided it’s the right person and you’re generally on the same page. I am too inclined to frugality and she moderates me in that regard. I once spent two years sleeping on a mattress on the floor without even a boxspring, for example, simply because I didn’t want to buy a bed. When I am making a major purchase decision, she can shake me out of my tendency to “paralysis by analysis” and force me to settle for good enough rather than mulling it over for a few years first.
My wife and I have given that much away before and have allowed people to live with us to up to a year rent free.
Somebody staying would be more of a discussion than the $1000 which really isn’t a huge amount of money for us and I’m in charge of the money. The big issue for us is my wife’s parents maybe coming to stay for maybe a long time…
I just don’t have 1000 to loan to anyone! if I did it would go to debt.
HS
I’d check with my husband as a courtesy, but if I said I wanted to do it, I can’t imagine him saying no (and vice versa). We’ve had people stay with us for as long as a month, although have never been asked to lend that kind of money.
I do get grumpy when he tells me with a day’s notice that his mother is coming to visit, but that’s just because I feel compelled to clean for her.
Yeah, everything like that is discussed between me and my husband. That situation has not come up (and this is the first time that we are in a living situation where we could host someone for a while–our first doors : ). We are open to having people visit and that isn’t usually even a discussion because we live far from our families. I don’t think we would be likely to be in disagreement about this unless it were a very large sum or a recurring situation. I would be leery of letting a friend move in because I have known people who have done that and had to take drastic measures to get the person out. So I would have to be veerrry close to the person. I do think that your comment about having more freedom and flexibility as a single person is accurate. While I am glad to have my husband, whom I adore, I don’t have total spending autonomy anymore. So the issues you mention haven’t come up, but I have to take him and our situation into account before freely spending on things that I might want. I imagine this intensifies with kids and more strains on the budget. We live below our means and have a lot of savings, so if we want something we don’t have to say no. Of course he brought more of the savings into the relationship and he is earning more than I do, but we have joint finances. But I would feel bad about blowing a lot of money, tens of thousands, on something for me when we could be using it for a house downpayment or future kids’ education etc. When I was single I thought less about the future so might have thought about taking on student loans, etc.
It sounds like my answer will be very similar to others.
My husband is more generous than I am, so I don’t think he’d have a problem with lending money or a room.
We have a spare bedroom right now, so, depending on the person, neither of us would have a problem with someone staying in it. I would require a “leave by” date.
I’m very uncomfortable with loaning people money. My husband just two days ago offered to loan a mutual friend a couple of thousands dollars without checking with me first. I wasn’t very happy and let him know that I think it’s a bad idea. The guy is very trustworthy, but I still hope he doesn’t take my husband up on the offer.
Yep, it’s something we’d talk about. If we could afford the loan and I had a friend that I thought it was worth loaning to, we’d talk and probably loan the money to as the partner would most likely trust my judgment. Of course, that’s hypothetical when the money isn’t there to loan.
As for the two-week stay, yep, we’d talk about that and it’d probably not be a problem other than our serious lack of space – but if I friend needed it, we’d find a way to make it happen regardless.
I don’t think either of us would have a problem with a dear friend or family member staying with us for a while if they were in a bind, or traveling to the area to look for jobs, or that sort of thing. Several friends have stayed with us for a month or two over the years, and since we’re in a house, it’s not much of a problem as long as the guest is respectful. We would discuss it before hand, and probably check with each other a few times over the course of the stay (tell me if my friend is driving you nuts, ok?)
Neither of us would lend anyone $1000 without discussing it first. We made a “loan” like that to one of his brothers a few years ago, knowing we would probably never see it again but knowing we could also afford to help him in what was a true emergency. Most of our friends are financially comfortable, so I’m sure such a loan would only be requested in a real emergency. We both would be willing to help–we both grew up in poor, single-parent households and know that sometimes life just kicks you in the teeth. My guess is that we’d both prefer to make a gift of the money rather than a loan.
Considering we still have DH’s best friend living with us, but not free, paying rent and 1/3 utilities I guess it’s okay. It was suppossed to be 2 months, and it’s stretched into 6. Whatever, he’ll be out when he buys a place. Hence why he didn’t want to rent.
But it really depends. Loaning a friend $1k? No. Not even family. It’d have to be a gift.
I don’t have any cash to loan friends, but if I lived alone, I would certainly let a friend stay-over for 2 weeks.
I live with my bf now and although it would impact our privacy, he would be open to the arrangement, especially since he has been the one needing a free place to stay.
When he first moved to the city, he was apartment hunting and stayed with me and my roommate for a week. Recently after being unemployed for months (after we moved in together), he couldn’t pay me rent. I had no problems skipping one month’s rent, because the alternative was for him to move to his parents house 2 states away! It’s an interesting dynamic because I own the place and he helps with the bills (I’m not his landlord, right?)
Anyways, He has been on the receiving end of my generosity and would most likely be amenable to having a friend in need stay with us.