Ah… 2008 wedding season is starting to rear its ugly head. In the past 2 months, I have received invitations or save the date notices for three weddings. I have known about one for over a year. The other two are for very short engagements, lasting at most for 6 months.
I have an Indian wedding in March, for which the bride has sent me a sari to wear. All I have to do is cover the cost of driving to Jersey City and the hotel. I’ve already asked her if I can split a room with another of her single girlfriends. She is going to ask around for me. I will have to find some pretty purple/silver bangles to wear with the sari, but I am grateful for such a lovely present. (I think I have some somewhere from an Indian dancing class I took.) She’s one of the short engagement people, but she and the groom are South Asian and a long engagement isn’t typical for their culture. It came together pretty quickly since she’s using many of the same Indian wedding vendors her cousins and brother used. That cuts down A LOT on planning since she knows what she is getting and for what price. How much engagement time is wasted on lengthy research efforts?
The second wedding is in April for a couple that’s been dating for a long time. They also have a short engagement. The groom hinted that he was going to ask in 2008, but little did I think they’d set a date for this spring. Fast-moving, but I met the bride at a friend’s wedding in 2006 and she’s fantastic. It’s bittersweet for me, as he was my ‘backup’ and in 2 years he would have had to marry me on the agreed upon date. (Laugh all you want. I have to find another one.) Since they met through church, they didn’t have long to wait on getting a date for the sanctuary. I’m not sure what other plans are for the wedding. Being a friend of the groom, you get cut out of a lot of the planning chit chat. I’ve asked another friend if she’s heard details, but so far, no luck. We shall see what plans are afoot.
The last wedding is a Beach Weekend affair on the Outer Banks in NC. I cannot wait! This has been on my calendar for a year. Normally over Memorial Day weekend, I go to Texas and camp with some old friends (which started as a wedding invitation and morphed into an annual thing). But due to this wedding, I cannot go. That’s ok because the allotment for the TX trip now shifts to this wedding. And it should be cheaper than TX anyway. Instead of flying, I will likely be carpooling down with friends in a minivan from DC. Because the groom is renting a series of houses for a week, lodging will be fairly cheap. We’ll be able to cook, dine, and do all kinds of wacky stuff together. I hear the rental has wireless internet too, so I might be able to blog while on vacation.
What is wedding etiquette here? My boyfriend has been invited to some of these weddings. Do I pay for his share or should I expect him to pay? There is a problem with the April wedding in Boston because my boyfriend will likely have to fly up in time for the ceremony on Saturday, though I am considering Amtrak for myself. Quite a quandary.
There’s part of me that wants to take the curmudgeon route the Miserly Bastard takes, and just send a fat check and not go. But these are three people dear to me and the party should be a great time to catch up with old friends on the guest list. I’ll save the curmudgeon check for my cousin in Korea who is getting married this spring. (My sibling and I will each shell out $250 for my cousin and her fiance. We did that for her older brother who got married last year.)
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No advice, just commiseration. And maybe this will make you feel better: when I told a good friend of mine Shiner and I had decided to get married, he looked at me with barely controlled panic and said, “in 2008?” Apparently he had been told to expect invitations to THIRTEEN weddings around the country in 2008. Ours is in 2009, but really early in the year so I don’t know if he’ll make it with costs and vacation time and all. I would really love for him to come, and would miss him if he doesn’t, but I’ve got a heart. I know it’s just really hard to make this stuff work when there are so many right in a row.
At least there are no bridesmaid dresses. Those are the worst.
As for your boyfriend’s expenses, I find that weddings like that–long-time friends–are more fun without a new-ish boyfriend. You can just enjoy your friends like old times and there’s no pressure on him to be fabulous/spend money/feel awkward/be briefed on all the inside jokes. Let him pick one wedding, and he will be relieved, I bet.
Agreed about the bridesmaid dresses. In the case of being part of the wedding party, I might agree with dogatemyfinances in not bringing the new boyfriend to all the parties, but not necessarily if you’re just a guest.
BoyDucky didn’t mind not knowing anyone at the few weddings we went to early on in our relationship, he just liked getting the two of us gussied up and out together.
I resolved my quandary about best friend’s wedding last month by using miles to get BoyDucky’s airfare. Is that an option? We also do a my friend/your friend thing with the gifts. We handle the gifts according to whose friend it is. Perhaps you could do the same with the travel?
My cousin is finally getting married this June (she’s 37 and her life’s mission has been to get married). She’s planning on just having a maid-of-honor, but wants my sister and I to wear bridesmaid dresses because she wants us to do the guest books! My sister is sixteen and is nearly crying that she isn’t a bridesmaid (she had been told she would be a year ago). I just want out. Why buy an expensive dress if I am just doing the guest book? Furthermore, I don’t want to do the guest book. At all. I’ll be twenty-two by then and that sort of thing is normally left to girls a decade younger than me. I just want to be a guest. That’s all.
Besides all that, I’m actually excited to go to a wedding. Heh.
Hmm. I haven’t gotten any yet. Strange, but ok…last summer was crazy, 3 weddings in 4 weeks and one of them was my own.
As for etiquette on paying for your BF…it may depend on the options available, how your relationship is, how much he can afford, etc. It’s definitely something you should discuss.
I remember when my backup guy got a steady girlfriend. I mean sure, it was a joke all along and there was no real chemistry. But I was kind of sad. I told him I released him. Plus then I got married…
Weddings are so expensive. I kept thinking once all my friends were married we would save a bundle! However, now that we are all having kids instead of getting wedding invites we get baby shower invites.
Well, my big day is around the corner. As someone on the other side of things, I’ll give my take. The desire to cut the list without offending people is a constant battle. Even if these are folks near and dear to your heart, they won’t be offended by a “regrets” by you. Go if you really want to, but don’t feel obligated.
From a $$ POV, if you can justify the cost of attending in terms of your “travel” budget, then do it. If it is above and beyond, or takes away from your preferred travel, send a nice card and a check.