Comments on: I Lost the Love of My Life Due to Money http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/ Just tidbits about money and finance. Thu, 04 Dec 2008 05:29:59 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 By: dong http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-74344 dong Thu, 05 Jul 2007 17:49:14 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-74344 This is tricky topic. Money, relationship, and family. That's trifecta. I mean so much of it depends on the relationship each person has with each of those things. I mean would cosign with my parents in heartbeat if needed me to. If my girlfriend didn't understand why I would do that then she wouldn't understand me very well (this isn't the case), and I would have to think there would be serious issues in our relationship. It's really the nature of the relationship I with my family. This is tricky topic. Money, relationship, and family. That’s trifecta. I mean so much of it depends on the relationship each person has with each of those things. I mean would cosign with my parents in heartbeat if needed me to. If my girlfriend didn’t understand why I would do that then she wouldn’t understand me very well (this isn’t the case), and I would have to think there would be serious issues in our relationship. It’s really the nature of the relationship I with my family.

]]> By: Livingalmostlarge http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-71971 Livingalmostlarge Tue, 03 Jul 2007 02:22:32 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-71971 Ah ha, that's how it always is. Two sides of every story. Ah ha, that’s how it always is. Two sides of every story.

]]> By: mapgirl http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-69337 mapgirl Fri, 29 Jun 2007 16:47:02 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-69337 Interesting the comments on this post and what people choose to focus on. 1) There will always be something between he and I, but no, there's no going back. 2) He was always much more of a risk taker, but it's funny, it was very calculated. I think that comes from his science background. I take risks too, but ultimately we had a very different view of debt and cultural burdens which colored what we thought about our financial situation. 3) Hindsight is 20-20. Like I said, there's a lot of reasons why it didn't work out. This one was just one of them. There's a lot I'm leaving out on purpose. Interesting the comments on this post and what people choose to focus on.

1) There will always be something between he and I, but no, there’s no going back.

2) He was always much more of a risk taker, but it’s funny, it was very calculated. I think that comes from his science background. I take risks too, but ultimately we had a very different view of debt and cultural burdens which colored what we thought about our financial situation.

3) Hindsight is 20-20. Like I said, there’s a lot of reasons why it didn’t work out. This one was just one of them. There’s a lot I’m leaving out on purpose.

]]> By: Nina http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-69275 Nina Fri, 29 Jun 2007 15:17:35 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-69275 I agree with Emma's comment... it's not about the money. It’s about each person's relationship with money. You have a lower tolerance for risk than your ex-boyfriend. Better to recognize these types of things early on in the relationship and decide what are the deal breakers when it comes to money and long term compatibility. I think you probably made the right choice. I agree with Emma’s comment… it’s not about the money. It’s about each person’s relationship with money.

You have a lower tolerance for risk than your ex-boyfriend. Better to recognize these types of things early on in the relationship and decide what are the deal breakers when it comes to money and long term compatibility.

I think you probably made the right choice.

]]> By: MVP http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-68915 MVP Fri, 29 Jun 2007 05:46:40 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-68915 I think you did the right thing by breaking it off. Your feelings about this situation likely would have escalated into resentment and hostility, which would have festered over time and brought about a slow end to the relationship. Better to have dropped him early on. Can you revisit the situation now and see if he's at a better place, or is it over forever? I think you did the right thing by breaking it off. Your feelings about this situation likely would have escalated into resentment and hostility, which would have festered over time and brought about a slow end to the relationship. Better to have dropped him early on. Can you revisit the situation now and see if he’s at a better place, or is it over forever?

]]> By: Livingalmostlarge http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-68564 Livingalmostlarge Thu, 28 Jun 2007 20:41:43 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-68564 Hmm...to break up over that. I don't think I would have. But I would have asked him to discuss with me why he was cosigning the loan? What were his future obligations to his parents? How would he feel about it impacting us and our future together? I would be very impressed with a man who took responsibility to his family so seriously. Especially if he offered the same to my family. I would feel that he kind, generous, and very thoughtful. I married one of those men and haven't regretted it for one moment. He's willing to work very hard to save money for both our parents. NO questions asked he'll give either parents whatever we can to help. So to me debt would never be a relationship deal breaker. It's what it is being used for. How it happened and if they changed? After all you didn't exactly write he's $50k in CC debt, $50k in student loans, and wants to charge our wedding. Hmm…to break up over that. I don’t think I would have. But I would have asked him to discuss with me why he was cosigning the loan? What were his future obligations to his parents? How would he feel about it impacting us and our future together? I would be very impressed with a man who took responsibility to his family so seriously.

Especially if he offered the same to my family. I would feel that he kind, generous, and very thoughtful. I married one of those men and haven’t regretted it for one moment. He’s willing to work very hard to save money for both our parents. NO questions asked he’ll give either parents whatever we can to help.

So to me debt would never be a relationship deal breaker. It’s what it is being used for. How it happened and if they changed?

After all you didn’t exactly write he’s $50k in CC debt, $50k in student loans, and wants to charge our wedding.

]]> By: chitowngirl http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-68563 chitowngirl Thu, 28 Jun 2007 20:40:49 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-68563 When it comes to co-signing, my parents have always said one thing to me...DON'T DO IT! When it comes to co-signing, my parents have always said one thing to me…DON’T DO IT!

]]> By: Dennis http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-68333 Dennis Thu, 28 Jun 2007 13:42:15 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-68333 hmm... that makes me wonder how cultural influences have affected Asian Americans and their finances. If my parents were to ask for money, there wouldn't be a second thought in my mind. I would lend right away. hmm… that makes me wonder how cultural influences have affected Asian Americans and their finances.

If my parents were to ask for money, there wouldn’t be a second thought in my mind. I would lend right away.

]]> By: Emma http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-67777 Emma Wed, 27 Jun 2007 23:23:37 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-67777 Actually, it's not about the money. It's more about how each of you view money. Your values will be reflected in how you handle money. And, if your values don't line up with a partner, there will be major conflict later. :) Actually, it’s not about the money. It’s more about how each of you view money. Your values will be reflected in how you handle money. And, if your values don’t line up with a partner, there will be major conflict later. :)

]]> By: Amber Yount http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-67591 Amber Yount Wed, 27 Jun 2007 20:08:21 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-67591 They say money is the biggest reason for divorce and i understand that...me and my husband fight about money at least once a week. They say money is the biggest reason for divorce and i understand that…me and my husband fight about money at least once a week.

]]> By: Msminiducky http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-67411 Msminiducky Wed, 27 Jun 2007 15:33:53 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-67411 You know, I really expected BoyDucky to have the same reservations, justifiably so, and while I'm grateful that he's been so understanding about my familial obligations, I'm still nervous that he may be unwittingly setting himself for a life of financial strain because he stayed with me. Eh, we'll see, I guess. In the meantime, I just want puppies galore :) You know, I really expected BoyDucky to have the same reservations, justifiably so, and while I’m grateful that he’s been so understanding about my familial obligations, I’m still nervous that he may be unwittingly setting himself for a life of financial strain because he stayed with me. Eh, we’ll see, I guess. In the meantime, I just want puppies galore :)

]]> By: Wanda http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-67406 Wanda Wed, 27 Jun 2007 15:26:37 +0000 http://www.mapgirl.net/mfc/2007/06/27/i-lost-the-love-of-my-life-due-to-money/#comment-67406 Do you ever regret it? "Love of my life" is a pretty serious deal.. and love doesn't just come by every month. Sometimes we don't get second chances (wow, do I sound depressing or what?) I am thinking about this because I think I've already met someone that can grow into the love of my life (well, he's the love of my life now, but I'm only 22.. so.. not much life there to judge). I'd hate to throw it away for something such as money or career choice or timing or location, but really they are all such important factors to determining if a relationship works. I just don't want to look back (counting my money in my big house a la Scrooge McDuck) and say, this is where I went wrong. Do you ever regret it? “Love of my life” is a pretty serious deal.. and love doesn’t just come by every month. Sometimes we don’t get second chances (wow, do I sound depressing or what?)

I am thinking about this because I think I’ve already met someone that can grow into the love of my life (well, he’s the love of my life now, but I’m only 22.. so.. not much life there to judge). I’d hate to throw it away for something such as money or career choice or timing or location, but really they are all such important factors to determining if a relationship works.

I just don’t want to look back (counting my money in my big house a la Scrooge McDuck) and say, this is where I went wrong.

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