Kira writes about sacrificing a kidney for a relative (theoretically, not literally). I find it a really interesting question.
A dear friend gave up a kidney for her hairdresser. And she doesn’t regret it at all. She’s a bit older, without children, and for her giving this person the gift of life was an incredible thing to do, and the right thing. Her hairdresser started living life completely differently now that he actually had a future to live. He could make plans, live a life without feeling like it was going to end at any minute. It was the amazing gift back that was her great reward. She got to watch him really live life in a manner consistent with her own values of living life to its fullest.
For me, the question as posed by Kira isn’t valid, my grandparents are all dead. However, would I do it for my parents? I don’t know. I’d have to ask them what they wanted. I could see my parents saying yes. I could see them saying no. I know that I’d be willing to do it, but only if that’s what they wanted. I wouldn’t force it on them. I know for my sibling, nephew, or cousins, I would absolutely do it without question and I’d make them do it. I would have no regrets.
It gets into the question of the value of a life. Is it the life as lived, or the income potential of that life in the future? I try to value my life by living it to the fullest. I want a life without regrets, full of love, life and vitality. How do you put a value on fear and how it cripples a life?
I see stuff like Oprah Winfey’s TV show, Dr. Phil, and all those feel-good TV shows. It makes me so sad that the world hurts so much that people are always seeking happiness outside of themselves instead of from within.
I’m not smugly happy over here. Not by a long shot. But Taking Care of Business has always been important to me. I get a good feeling everyday from watching my net worth grow in a measurable and specific way. My self-esteem does not rise and fall with my net worth, but it is very important to me. I see a lot of my friends feel crushed by life and I watch with helplessness as they tell me their financial woes. I’ve had that feeling, but it’s so hard to watch them stay stuck in the rut of their lives with the same plaintive whine about their finances. When’s it going to change? When are you going to do the thing to change your life now? Not tomorrow. TODAY.
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There was a person in for pre-transplant evaluation a while back – an older man who wanted to go on the organ list, despite the fact that a) that could mean years of wait, during which time your body deteriorates and eventually you may not be able to undergo surgery even if they do get you a kidney, and b) he had SIX children, three of whom were a blood type match and were willing to donate. Evidently one of the coordinators actually got angry with him because he didn’t want to take a kidney from one of his healthy children, but by going on the list he was actually taking a kidney away from someone else who was sick and didn’t have ANYONE who would donate to them.
We also had a donor cancel her surgery because she wanted to reschedule for after the holidays (she was scheduled for shortly before Thanksgiving) and the mother of the recipient (a second cousin or something) actually screamed at her over the phone. The whole family basically treated her like a piece of meat, and she ended up not wanting to do it at all because she felt like they were taking her for granted.
So there’s a fine line between placing TOO much emotional weight on donating a kidney, such that you won’t allow a child to do it even though they are willing, and placing too little such that the donor is nothing more to you than a bag of organs.
Thanks for the insight, Kira. I hope these are helpful ideas for anyone considering live donor organ donation.
I have friends who are so afraid of their finanical plight that they choose to ignore it, effectively making it worse. I sympathize, but you’re right, there comes a point when you have to change what you’re doing. It shouldn’t take a life altering (or life threatening) event to make people realize they’re only half-living their lives. Living in denial about debt and financial mistakes is half-living.
As for the kidney, how terribly scary a decision that would be. I am going to be honest: I would do it for a loved one, but I’d be terrified and praying the whole time that another donor emerged. I’m scared of getting my blood drawn, I don’t know what I’d do if I had to have an organ removed!!