Donna Jean writes about having the conversation about money with friends. LAMoneyGuy has probably the post that started that thread. I’m very opinionated on the subject. After all, I was turned on to PFBlogs by a friend who pointed me to Boston Gal. (whoops! nearly called her Jane!)
I would say the biggest reason people don’t talk about personal finances is because they fear there is an income disparity. I think a lot of the conversations I end up having are with friends I guess might be in the same boat as me, i.e. had a lot of student loans, little expectation of an inheritance, etc. How willing are you to talk about finances with friends who you know are not doing as well as you are? I know my tendency is to clam up unless directly asked for advice.
Part of the reason I started this blog was because I felt I made other friends uncomfortable by talking about money on my personal blog. Rather than alienate anyone, I created a whole site about it. They can visit here if they want and I’m not shoving it down their throat. I’m proud to say my friends in real life like to visit me here and we talk about it.
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I have no qualms about talking about finances, because I speak only in percentages when talking about income to expenses, and real numbers when talking about outstanding debt. Nobody gets offended when they find out that you are further in long-term debt than they are, and everyone can do the math to figure out that they should have at least 15% going to their 401k and no more than 20% of their annual income in credit card debt.
That’s one tactic, at least.
Back in late October my friends and i met for lunch after a year of planning. the subject of expensive housing in sf came up and how i manage.
my friend point blank asked me how much i make and i told her but i wasn’t ashamed or embrassed. i know she makes way more than me but has no savings and ran up alot of debt recently buying a new car and eating out a lot. but she wouldn’t tell me how much she made … but was very curious as to how much i had. that kina irked me so i just said i budget and bring my own lunch and only eat out occassionaly and find ways to come up a bit extra each month.
The other day a neighbor asked me if I had subsidized daycare for my son. Before I could think, I blurted out that we don’t qualify because we make too much money.
She doesn’t speak much English, so I realized later that she was probably asking if my son’s daycare takes subsidized kids. She recently started working outside the house, and 2 of her 3 kids are daycare age. She works in an assisted living facility, and her husband works in an auto parts store.
I felt really embarrassed for being indiscreet but the words were already out of my mouth. I backpedalled by saying, well we only have one kid. You might qualify since you have 3 kids.