This is a comment post to something FMF posted today about the cost of weddings.
Out of the four faraway weddings I have to attend this year, only one is a true ‘destination’ wedding in PR. The other three are where the bride and groom happen to live. Those three places are just really far away from me. I’m the maid of honor for the PR wedding so even though the bride said it was ok if I couldn’t afford to go, there was no way I was going to say no. I’m rooming with another friend and recycling a dress for the ceremony to keep things more frugal. The only new thing I will have to buy is some fresh sunscreen and a few tanning booth visits so my office cubicle-fluorescent light-cultivated translucent skin doesn’t burn to a crisp while I’m there. (Of course, I won’t be doing the tanning booths because I have no time to go!)
I think anyone that plans a destination wedding and selfishly expects people to attend is nuts. That seems pretty rude to pitch a fit, Bridezilla-style, and demand that people attend. Frankly, I’m not looking forward to a weekend on the beaches of PR because I really don’t care for lying around on a beach and prematurely aging my skin. I hope to be indoors all day watching World Cup soccer!
I know I’d like to have a destination wedding so that my guest list pares itself down by putting the onus on my guests to choose to attend versus having crazy fights with a mother-in-law about who gets an invite. Self-selection can be good that way. The only other reason for me to have a destination wedding is at a midway point between me and my family living overseas. That way it’s a holiday for everybody.
To put a little perspective on things, my cousin in Korea just got married. There were about 600-700 people at the wedding hall and reception. Whether you like it or not, things will snowball there to the point you can’t stop it. However, it is customary for people to fork over wads of cash as gifts and so the wedding guests usually pay for the whole shindig and any money leftover goes to a house downpayment.
600-700 guests. Can you imagine that?
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600 -700 guests = bride missing.
At least if it was my wedding. How in the world could the justify the expense? Granted it is a wonderful day, but how do you enjoy it knowing you are leaving with huge debt????
When I go to weddings I try to gift the amount for my presence, but sometimes this is impossible if the couple selects an incredibly trendy place. So, you know they will be carrying costs. Unless, they were sharp enough to save the dough ahead of time. (this is what I hope they did)
“600 -700 guests = bride missing.”
!!!
My sentiments exactly. (Shudder).
600-700 is on the high side but weddings in Israel normally run into the hundreds. The costs are typically much lower per person than in the US. And money gifts are common. So sounds similar to Korea.
What do you mean by “bride missing”?
m00m, I think they mean she ran away.
I’ve been to several weddings in Korea. They are opportunities for the bride and groom to make money, since both are still living at home and need to come up with $ to buy and furnish a home/apartment. An uncle sits at a table up front and records the name and amount of every donation given. No one gives gifts. There are usually stacks of these long white envelopes. They have a buffet dinner at a wedding hall, so the more the merrier. And the $$$er. They also see a wedding as a community event, so there is no turning anyone away, including lost souls who are just plain hungry and want a free meal, but have never met the wedding couple. I’d say guests gave about $30/person and it costs about $10 per person for the buffet for the ones I went to. So mapgirl’s cousin would make $12,000. This is just my experience from the 3-4 weddings I went to over there about 8 years ago. Maybe things are more personalized now.
My friend Vivienne is from Seoul and she and her husband had a 700 person wedding as well, so it seems like that is a fairly customary thing to do in Korea, no?
We all have our cultural traditions, and while 700 may seem unbelievable to us Americans, it is pretty status quo to Koreans!
The norm in Korea seems to be 500+ guests. But the norm is also to pony up a lot of cash as gifts, which is completely unacceptable to a lot of Americans. But even so, freezing your face into a permanent smile for 500+ guests will make your face hurt!
I have a new idea. I’m going to have a destination wedding somewhere far, far away and very expensive to get to. Then I’m going to invite everyone for whom I hold a grudge. That ‘friend’ in high school who stole my boyfriend? She’ll be the maid of honor, and I’d like her to throw me an egagement party, a wedding shower, and a bachelorette weekend in Vegas. All the former coworkers I’ve had who didn’t pull their weight are invited. That friend who threw a lavish birthday party for herself at an expensive reastaurant (while I was out of work) and drank a ton of fancy mixed drinks because she knew the rest of us would treat her? She’s coming too. I want my former landlady in the front row.
Ooooh. This is going to be fun. Being cynical is fun.
How now Claire. I wish I could be so cynical, but I can’t. (This, as I tally my own personal list. You can guess which friend I’m asking to be a bridesmaid, can’t you? That’s right, the one who left me holding the bag.)
This could be a really fun game though!