Mapgirl’s Fiscal Challenge

No, this isn’t about how to buy gifts frugally. It’s about gifts in general and their economic value. Not all gifts are intrinsically valuable. Sometimes they have only sentimental value between the giver and the recipient.

It’s the exchange that gives a gift meaning. So it reality, the only thing that matters truly is the thought behind the exchange of the gift and how it strengthens the relationship between the giver and the recipient. There’s more formal information about the gift economy here.

I loathe giving gifts because I always seem to buy the wrong one. I also have a problem because I like to buy *useful* gifts with high utility and not just tchockes to sit on a shelf and look pretty. I’ll decoupage a box for myself instead of show off a ceramic figurine. But I will give a figurine if I think the recipient will love it. I want to make them happy with the gift, not sad or annoyed.

I have a friend who has a huge problem with gifts. Her boyfriend must select a gift for her of high monetary value, or else she thinks he doesn’t love her. I have no sympathy for her when she says, ‘All he got me was XYZ.’ I try to remind her that he is a busy guy and that he didn’t forget to get her a gift. He got her something he thought she would want and that he could afford. In the end, I recommended she see a shrink because equating his love with his pocketbook is going to ruin them.

Recently, in the past 3 years, I’ve been better about getting gifts for people that they can consume and doesn’t leave a mess to clean up or move from one place to another. I am all about a bottle of wine for the hosts. I like to arrive early with a fine bottle of wine and tell them to stash it from the other guests and save it for a special night for themselves. I feel like I’m sharing in their other happy moments that way. I’ve gotten gifts and then looked at them later trying to remember who the heck gave me such an hideous object. If there is a moment that I can remember, something cemented in my head, I will keep that silly object as a treasure forever. Sometimes it’s about the memory the gift evokes.

I remember once handing a piece of gum to a girl at a rave. I was waiting to meet some friends in a special spot. She asked me for a piece of gum and I said sure. And to thank me she gave me a blue beaded bracelet. I told her I didn’t need a gift in return. She insisted that I take it, and then wandered off. Later that night, there was this synchronus moment when my friends all found each other. (I had accidentally been separated and forged ahead to the meeting spot where we were going to meet some others) We danced all night in the rain to a fantastic DJ and just felt like a good group of friends. I felt accepted as part of the group, popular and valued. It was a great night for me, even though it signaled my last hurrah in CA before moving back east when the dot-com economy crashed. I look at that candy raver bracelet in my jewelry box and I am transported back to that whole night. I think that’s what a great gift is about, a moment of special meaning. (I just remembered that it was also the first time I’d seen a particular girl since she transfered out of university freshman year to go to Harvard.)

What gifts have you given or received that you treasure most? Is it intrinsically valuable? Or does it have significance only for you?