I have to repost this link by Jonathan. I’m not sure how I feel about this post and the posting over at Make Love Not Debt. I had this huge post written about my relationship with my parents and with money, but I don’t think I want to brave the moonbats on the internet to post it here. Money and family relationships are very touchy subjects and I don’t think it’s really nice of people to spring to conclusions based off of one highly emotionally charged post.

In the first personal finance community I joined, there was a guideline, “Some people had college loans. Some people ran up a lot of debt during and right after college. Some of us did both. Please don’t criticize anyone for their past behavior. Be solution oriented. If you’re going to provide criticism or a suggestion, please do it constructively.” I guess the main thing is to be respectful of the blogger, especially when it’s clear they’ve hit a nerve pretty hard and the recoil is a blog post.

I like to amuse myself by appearing as an ingrate sometimes on this blog. The fact of the matter is that I am spoiled by the deliberate actions of my parents. It’s a complex thing. I have been both coddled and beaten. Old school Asian families are tough places to grow up. I’ve lived pretty much with a fully belly and shod, but in the ghetto and in the suburbs. There are things about filial piety which I think a lot of Americans don’t understand easily. So I really don’t think that being judgemental about Her’s reaction to her mother serves a purpose. What she really needs is help with planning a wedding inexpensively, or else someone should write a blog rant about how stupid American culture and media tells girls from young age that a wedding is her be-all-end-all life experience.

That’s my two cents. Rant here in the comments if you like. Normally my rule is to publish all comments, though I prefer them not to be completely anonymous. This time I reserve the right not to publish out comments that are distasteful, disrespectful, or just plain unkind or rude.

LAMoney Guy has a really good post about commuting and how much it really costs you.

The calculator on it is the best part!

One of the newest blogs I’ve liked is City Girl’s Financial Blog. This post about buying Bay Area real estate is so true.

Financial Genetics at My Open Wallet, by Madame X.

A call for relationship posts at Make Love Not Debt, a collaborative blog between a newly engaged pair with lots of student loan debt. I also liked what Her had to say about learning from an intern.

I hate to call them ‘beancounters’ but lunch on Wednesday was a pretty amusing lesson in frugality. So someone in our office is leaving and we decided to take him out to lunch. The Accounting team joined us and composed over 50% of the group.

We went to some yucky pan-Asian cuisine place.* There is an option for lunch that is about $17 per person which allows you a wide variety of dishes. Right off the bat, the accountants aren’t wild about that option. The girl next to me says that she can’t eat that much food and the guys are all saying they want what they want and don’t want to compromise. I’m in the latter boat and I know I can eat for much cheaper than $17.

Next thing, the girls are all clustered at one end of the table and we turn to a conversation about clothes and shopping. The departing employee’s wife works retail and he tells us about all the money people spend on clothes, with or without discounts. As the conversation continues, the girls all chime in with great places to get clothes around our area. I’m learning all kinds of new places to check out that are off the beaten path. Someone mentions that buying pants for $200.00 is crazy, but she might spend that much on a pair of jeans she will wear all the time. And another woman tells her that she’ll shoot her if she spends that much. We all laugh but I’m thinking that it’s nice to be around like-minded folks who shop for a bargain.

I tell the would-be shooter about the expensive suit I bought and her eyes popped out of her head. I tell her that I know it’s crazy and that I’ll never do it again, and she says fiercely in her foreign accent, ‘You better not!’

We talked about how the mom at the table looks really young but has 5 kids. She loves them all, but the main reason they stopped at 5 is that they can’t afford any more. She explained the family plan for paying for college for all 5 and it’s interesting. The oldest two will have their schooling paid for completely by their parents, but they are expected to help the younger three because there’s no way the parents can help all 5. The oldest are on board with this idea, which I think is pretty cool.

We ended up dividing the check evenly anyway and I pay more than $17, but that’s ok since I paid $20 with tax and tip included and cover my share of the guest of honor’s bill. I had a doggie bag too.

I guess it’s because I work with a cost-conscious group that I’m partly interested in personal finances. It’s nice to know that I am near people who don’t think it’s weird or cheap to be frugal or make compromises financially to have other things in life.

* I hate it there because everything tastes so generically Asian and comes off as bland to me. If I want crappy Asian cuisine, I’ll make my own at home. Throwing soy, garlic and ginger together doesn’t mean it’s going to be good.

CNNMoney reports that GridPoint has a device about the size of a filing cabinet which will store power much like a UPS. But instead of going on and off during a power outage, it will pull power down off the grid when it’s cheap and release the energy when it’s expensive, thereby getting the user the best utility rates possible under peak-pricing plans.

Nice run-on!

Best part?
“GridPoint Protect kicks in within about 30 milliseconds, fast enough to prevent a company’s computers or other sensitive devices from crashing.”

Sweet. That’s the best UPS you could have. I have worked places where I would have lost data if I wasn’t already using a docked laptop.

Hat tip to IRA. I first saw it on her blog.

So frequently I am in a daze lately and today I forgot my wallet. I had no money for lunch. I borrowed money from a co-worker and now I owe him $15 instead of the $5 from yesterday’s group lunch. (Another story posting tomorrow.) I was going to eat leftovers for lunch but that would have ruined my carefully laid dinner plans. Tonight I dine out someplace fancy with guests from out of town. For their frugality in asking to stay one night with me, I punish them with a messy apartment. (For some reason it still won’t clean itself.)

We all love good food and tonight the guests have chosen Harry’s Tap Room. The same folks who gave us Sam & Harry’s, which is still open in DC, but sadly the Tysons Corner location I went to for Valentine’s Day a few years ago is closed. (A story of gluttony I will one day share.)

Because Harry’s is pretty posh, the plan is to eat my leftovers tonight at work while waiting for data to load up. I will dash home for some more cleaning up, and then meet the kids for dinner. I will eat only something small, trying to keep my tab under $20 for food and maybe one beer. I just scanned the menu, ok. Maybe I’ll have to make that $25 and skip the beer. Add on a few dollars for parking and I pray that this entire dinner will only cost me $30.

Wish me luck on my cheapness. I feel the deck is stacked against me because I know this couple enjoys tasty wine and I can see us getting a bottle to celebrate their recent engagement.

Three of my favorite PF Bloggers have banded together to make QueerCents, Caitlin, Dawn, and Nina. I admire each of these three women for their common sense and thrift. They each have financial wisdom to pass on to us, queer or not. (Caitlin is godmother to this blog because she’s the first person to link to me.)

I left a comment this morning with Nina. I had a lot of gay friends in college. I was collectively known as ‘The Breeder’ by my queer roommates junior year. I loved getting change back stamped with ‘Queer Money’ when I lived in the gayest of the gay districts, The Castro of San Francisco.

I only wish that QueerCents had a been around in college. I loved those gay roommates. (Except the one who got thrown out.) They were fun people. I had great times with them and learned a lot about families, and coming out, and truths about the ugliness some people have inside of them. Bottom line though? Three of them were financial disasters. One of them never went to college and lived hand to mouth. One of them freaked out with collegiate credit card offers and ran himself into so much debt that he couldn’t get out of it. The third got cut off by her parents for being gay and then moved back in with them when she couldn’t find a job to cover her debts. To this day, I think she owes our old roommate money for some used furniture.

The last one ended receiving a debt-reduction book as a gift from me. I sent it to her after graduation. It was a book I bought for myself that helped me focus on my finances and reduce my credit card debt. She was complaining about living at home and her credit cards and student loans. The book was the only I could give to help her out since I wasn’t living near her to help her change her daily habits.

It’s not that gay people are bad with money. Quite the opposite. Andrew Tobias, the finance guru is quite good with money, or else he wouldn’t be a guru now would he? Two other gay friends from the same gang of college friends are quite good at saving and living frugally. I think it goes back to the mind-money thing. If coming out is really stressful, you might self-medicate through shopping your brains out. Or using your credit to move out of the house and get away from your parents. Fresh starts with ‘Go to Hell With You’ money are part of rediscovering yourself sometimes, and if you’re like Brandon Teena, kiting checks is not a viable financial strategy.

Welfare Brat by Mary Childers

It was a really good memoir about growing up urban poor. Her mother was on welfare with 6 kids. If ever a person was motivated to leave poverty it was Mary, the 3rd of 6 kids and the de facto oldest at home for most of the book. Her story of struggling to survive and make it out of the whole world of poverty is pretty heartbreaking, the intense embarrassment and humiliation that poor kids suffer at school sears you like a hot iron. I remember being picked on all the time at nursery school and there were memories that flooded back while reading this book. It sucks to be different not just because you’re poor but because you look different from everyone else. More than race, it’s economic class that gets you. We didn’t starve, but I know what 5 pound blocks of government surplus cheese tastes like in its weird wax wrapping. My grandparents would receive it and bring it to my house since they couldn’t eat dairy products. For us it didn’t mean nutrition for the whole family like it did for the author. It was a snack we could take or leave and finally throw out the last 2 pounds when it got all dried out. For the Childers it was macaroni and cheese for dinner and a cheese sandwich at school every single day.

When you read the book you’ll see that as much as people are determined to raise themselves up, you’ll see folks pushing you down. And how do you ignore them when it’s your own family telling you that you’re stuck up and hoity-toity? I was pretty amazed. This isn’t some fairy-tale story of a girl who scored straight-A’s and gets a full scholarship to Harvard. Let’s get real, that’s a fluff article for the Sunday Features section. This is about real bitterness at poverty and true grit to survive.

I would recommend it to everyone to read for a changed perspective. There are times when the prose rubs me the wrong way, but I read it all in one sitting almost and that’s what happens. I had only one and a half chapters to read tonight. Ms. Childers has a wonderful voice that comes through and you can sense the distinctive voices of her mother and siblings.

I am biased though. I love memoirs and biographies. I think real people are very interesting and have done some amazing things. I think there’s a lot to be learned from books in this genre.

NPR just ran a story about Individual Development Accounts as part of their radio series on Poverty in America.

I liked this one because it focuses on IDA’s. I found a directory site through the NPR story and checked it out. Virginia has quite a few programs, even one focused on prisoners who’ve been released, another for refugee resettlement. They’re all over the state and not just focused in urban locations. The first one listed in VA is decidedly suburban.

Today I convinced a friend to bank a small insurance windfall of $2000.00 instead of using it to lower a new car payment by $60.00 a month. I told her that she could save that money, raise her insurance deductible and see a savings on her insurance. She hold me her high quote was $1200.00, and the low quote was about $850.00. $350.00 saved over 6 months so it balances out. And since she’s keeping the $2000.00 liquid, she can use it for *any* emergency and not just a car repair. That’s the beauty of an Emergency Basket of Cash.

Drivers are purposely running out of gas.

I think on the commute I have, that would make a lot of people hate you really bad. I-66 has Metro rails to divide the highway, but the Dulles Toll Road doesn’t. Rubbernecking is awful on the toll road and they just love to see who’s waiting by the side of the road.

What’s worse though is people’s inability to merge onto the highway correctly, causing a full stop in traffic. I’ve noticed that instead of stopping, slowing to a crawl really does save gas for me, but I also pop the car out of gear and coast along very, very, very slowly.

So has anyone seen a positive change in their gas mileage since the flurry of gas tips were published recently? Mine’s about the same since I always drive as efficiently as I can. It really only gets better on the long interstate drives on the highway when I can go about 70mph for 60 minutes at a time. I have been hitting cruise control less on the hills, but there’s not much difference there.

Claire is looking for a periwinkle blue bridesmaid dress. I have one in my closet right now! I wore it to my sister’s wedding two years ago. I’ll be the maid of honor for a friend this summer in Puerto Rico. I am slightly irate about this wedding since it’s very short notice and it’s not going to be cheap to get there or stay there.

However, I will be saving money by not having to buy a new dress. I bought a dress back in 1999 for a wedding for some posh friends from college. It’s an Armani Exchange sheer pink organza shift. It’s light and airy, perfect for a beach wedding and will go well with the white georgette dress the bride has picked out. For many years, I was unable to fit back into this dress because my quads were too thick from ice skating. But I’ve lost a lot of weight since then through atrophy (two ankle injuries in a row) and sloth. I thought I was as fat as I ever was, but it turns out I am slim enough to fit back into this wisp of a thing.

I must confess how much this dress cost. It was originally about $400.00-$600.00. The matching shoes were $224.00. It’s still marked on the box. I remember paying about $60 for a matching silk scarf and the total for everything was about $350.00. All of it was on sale. So 6 years later, I can still wear it and save myself the cost of a new outfit. (Geez, has it been that long since I bought this?) These are the same shoes I’ve been wearing with my new Lilly skirt. Hopefully the sand on the beach won’t ruin the shoes.

I don’t know that I will ever buy something this expensive again. The salary I made then was a little bit less than I’m making now. I don’t think I feel the need to splurge on clothes like this for a long time. Around the same time I bought a $2000.00 Max Mara suit on sale for $800.00. I know I spent a lot. I really can’t justify any of it except that I look great and can still wear it since it’s a shark grey tropical weight wool double-breasted, pantsuit. I’ve worn it to every serious job interview I’ve had since and it must have brought me luck since I’m gainfully employed.

What splurge item is in your closet? Do you regret buying it? Can you still fit into it? (hee hee)